Something to Talk About
by MildredHelper
Summary: Christine Cagney knows that she can't keep her secrets to herself forever. What happens when she finally tells the truth? Cross-posted on AO3.
1. Talk to Me, Chris

**A/N:** This idea has been bouncing around in my head since I watched "Choices." I have so much love and respect for these beautiful characters and am eternally grateful to Barbara Avedon, Barbara Corday, Barney Rosenzweig, and, of course, Tyne Daly and Sharon Gless. I hope to update semi-regularly, but don't hold me to that. Please feel free to leave a comment though!

Christine Cagney had never really thought of herself as the mothering type. Her own mother had died when she was nineteen, and she hadn't even flown home for the funeral. She told anyone who asked that it was because her study abroad professors were impossibly strict about missing classes and that she hadn't had enough money to afford a plane ticket home. Neither were true. She just hadn't wanted to be there for the funeral.

Her mother had been a staunch Irish Catholic whose parenting style consisted of imposing fear and guilt upon her children, especially Christine. She vividly remembered having to keep the door to her bedroom open at all times and her mother's insistence upon smelling her fingers if she got up to use the bathroom during the middle of the night. At the time, she didn't realize just how disturbing that was. She wanted to make her mother happy. She wanted to be the perfect daughter.

Her mother hadn't always been so controlling and holier-than-thou though. When Christine was little, she and her brother, Brian, had a baby sister. That is, until she contracted polio and subsequently died from it. After that, their mother became obsessed with making herself into a martyr. She blamed herself entirely and wanted to punish herself for her daughter's premature death. At the same time, she desperately wanted another baby. It became a somewhat sick quest for her. Chris' father, Charlie, was hardly ever home, but when he was, Mrs. Cagney made sure to take advantage of it.

Chris could recall coming home from school to find her mother sitting in a pool of blood with tears streaming down her face on more than one occasion. Of course, she thought the miscarriages were God's way of punishing her still further for her daughter's death.

Looking back, she couldn't blame herself for not rushing to fly back for the funeral, especially given what she discovered about herself while abroad.

"Hey Chris. Will ya snap out of it, huh?" Mary Beth Lacey reached out and touched her hand. "You've been in a daze all morning, and we have to be at the top of our game if we want to solve this case."

"R-right," she nodded. "Right. Sorry. Let's get outta here and go talk to Mrs. Ghirardelli again. Maybe she's a little more certain this time." Chris quickly stood, only to have to sit right back down.

"Christine, you know you have been acting awfully peculiarly lately. Are ya all right?" Mary Beth studied her partner.

She expected her to fire back with a wisecrack, but she just nodded and slowly stood again.

Mary Beth knew something was off about Chris. She had certainly been easier on her in the past year and a half since Harvey had died, but it just wasn't like her to be so quiet and seemingly uninterested in a case.

The blonde could feel the brunette's eyes on her. "I'm fine, Mary Beth," She insisted. "I just haven't been getting a lot of sleep."

"Oh," Mary Beth said and set her jaw. "Dory been staying over?"

Chris stiffened at the mention of him. "No," she said. "It's not that. I've just been kind of restless. I want to solve this damn case."

"Well I do too," her partner agreed. She wanted to know more. "I needa use the Jane before we head out," she told her and moved in the direction of the bathroom. She was relieved to hear Chris' high heels clacking on the linoleum as she followed behind her.

Chris sat down on the bench and picked at her nails as she waited for Mary Beth to come out of the stall. "Did you fall in?" She asked after a little while.

"No, no. I'm just thinking," the brunette answered.

The blonde glanced at her watch. If they stalled for another ten minutes, then they could get lunch before they questioned the witness. She was starving and decided to humor Mary Beth.

"What about?"

"About you."

Christine hadn't been expecting that response, and she paused in the middle of picking off her nailpolish. Every nerve ending in her body seemed to be on fire. Goosebumps erupted on her skin, and a red blush crept over her cheeks and neck. She put her hands to her face to feel the heat radiating off of her cheeks. She quickly reached for a paper towel and ran it under cold water before applying it to the base of her neck. "Why are you uh thinking about me?"

"I'm thinking about you because I know you, Christine Cagney. I feel fortunate to know you better than just about anyone, and I know that there are many complicated, conflicting emotions going on inside you. I also know that you'll let those emotions eat away at you and that you won't tell anyone what's causing them. That's no way to be, Chris." She flushed the toilet and came out of the stall to look at her partner. She noticed that Chris was red-faced, but she couldn't place why. "Chris, come on. You can tell me anything."

_Anything. _Chris wanted to believe that she could pour her heart out to Mary Beth. She wanted to believe that she could tell her every last painful, beautiful, complex emotion she was feeling. She really considered it. But she just couldn't. She couldn't do that to Mary Beth.

"I know that, Mary Beth. I just…I don't want to get into it right now. I'd like to grab some lunch and interview Mrs. Ghirardelli." Chris wadded up the paper towel and threw it into the waste paper basket before she looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her face was still a little red, but it didn't seem too abnormal given the fluffy sweater she was wearing and the lack of air conditioning in the bathroom.

"Have it your way, Chris. I'm here when you wanna talk about it," Mary Beth sighed as she checked her hair in the mirror. "You wanna grab a sandwich on the way?"

"No," Chris shook her head as Mary Beth washed her hands. "I want to stop at that little hot dog cart on my jogging route. I want two, maybe even three hot dogs with mustard and onions." Her mouth watered just thinking about it.

"You are a strange woman, my partner," Mary Beth shook her head and glanced at her watch. "Does it have to be that hot dog cart? There have to be hundreds closer."

"Yes, Mary Beth. I feel very strongly about this. Marco is the owner of that little hot dog cart. He's just a kid, but he's out there working to support his sick mother. I know you may find this hard to believe, but I do happen to have a soft spot in my heart for him."

"Alright, alright, Detective Cagney. We'll get hotdogs in SoHo and then somehow make it to Mrs. Ghirardelli's before we're supposed to chalk out. I just...I don't know if I'll have time to study for the Sergeant's exam tonight if we do that."

Chris stopped in her tracks and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from blurting out something she would regret.

After a few seconds, she cleared her throat. "I guess I don't have to go to that hot dog cart."

"'Atta girl," Mary Beth smiled. "Marco will still be there tomorrow after your jog."

"Huh? Oh yeah. Right," the blonde looked over her shoulder at the brunette as she grabbed the keys. "I can drive, Mary Beth."

"No, you can't. You're too preoccupied with whatever it is that you won't tell me about. Besides, you've done more than your fair share of the driving the last...well years really, Christine."

She couldn't argue with that. In truth, she was glad not to drive. Her partner was right. She did have a lot on her mind.

Mary Beth drove them to a hot dog stand less than two minutes from the 14th precinct. She knew that her partner was hungry, and she was proud of herself for finding one that was so close. At first, Chris was excited and enthusiastically climbed out of the car and over to the stand. However, her excitement was quickly replaced with nausea when she caught a whiff of the smell of boiling hotdog water. "Never mind, Mary Beth," she said under her breath and stumbled her way back to the car.

"Never mind?! Chris…" Her partner watched her as she retreated to the vehicle.

"Two dogs, please. One with mustard and onions and one without." Mary Beth handed the woman a five dollar bill and told her to keep the change. Within a minute, the hotdogs were wrapped in foil. The brunette shoved a handful of napkins into her pocket before she trudged back to the car.

"Chris, c'mon. What's the matter with you? Don't you want some lunch? You just said you were hungry enough to eat three hotdogs back at the precinct."

Christine pulled the neck of her sweater up over her nose. "Get that thing away from me, Mary Beth!" She insisted.

"You are the most exasperating woman I know," she sighed and tossed the hotdog at her before she peeled back the foil containing her own hotdog and started to eat.

The blonde sat there motionless, hoping to God that the bile rising in her throat would somehow stop. She sat still for a few more seconds before she opened her car door and started to gag.

Mary Beth's eyes went wide as she watched. After a few minutes, it seemed to be over so she scrambled over to the passenger side door to help her partner. She reached into her pocket for the napkins and started to wipe Christine's mouth for her. "Aw Chris, I didn't know you were coming down with something. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I...I didn't know," Chris said weakly.

"Just kinda came over ya, huh? Any time Michael gets sick, it's just like that. There's no warning or nothin'. Are you okay to come with me to Mrs. Ghirardelli's apartment or should I drop you at home and chalk you out?"

"I'll be fine, Mary Beth. I just need you to throw those hot dogs away. They smell rancid."

Mary Beth furrowed her brow. She had eaten half of her hotdog, and it was perfectly okay. "They smell fine to me, Chris. I never knew you had such a sensitive nose."

She stepped outside of the car and finished eating her hotdog before she threw away the unopened foil package and climbed back into the car. "Feeling any better?"

"Yes. I'm fine, Mary Beth," she insisted and popped a piece of gum into her mouth. "Let's just go interview Mrs. Ghirardelli so we can get back and get studying for the sargent's exam."

Mary Beth looked over at her partner and watched as she shut her eyes tightly and furiously chewed her gum. Something was definitely up, but she just didn't know what yet.


	2. The Truth

"Well that was an absolute waste of time," Chris muttered as they climbed back into the squad car a few hours later.

The witness had just spoken in circles and wasn't able to give them any valuable information. Much to Christine's disgust, the old woman had kept trying to offer them greasy Italian food. The blonde still hadn't eaten anything. Everything she put near her mouth made her feel like she was going to be sick.

Mary Beth reached over and squeezed her partner's hand consolingly. Chris couldn't help but smile a little despite herself.

"Well, we better head back to the scene for a little while and see if we can't come up with anything." It was rare for Mary Beth to be calling the shots, but Chris wasn't in any mood to take control.

The brunette started the car and drove them back to the scene of the crime so that they could search for clues they may have missed.

"Crime scene, sweet crime scene," Chris joked as they walked down a damp, smelly back alley. The cinder block walls were covered in profane graffiti. Beer cans and cigarette butts covered the ground.

Mary Beth's heel caught on a can as she was walking, and it made a scraping sound.

"Damn," she said under her breath as she kicked it away from her.

"There's gotta be something here," the blonde sighed and ran her hands through her hair.

"You feeling sick again?" Her partner saw the familiar look as it crossed her face.

"Nah. I'm fine," she insisted as she pinched the bridge of her nose. The last thing she wanted to do was pass out in a nasty Bronx alley.

Mary Beth's eyes darted from Chris' face to a small spot on the wall. It couldn't have been larger than a thumb. She reached into her purse and pulled out a flashlight and shined it on the spot. She couldn't quite make out what the symbol was, but it was definitely drawn on the wall in blood that had since dried.

Mary Beth gasped and reached back into her purse for her small notepad so that she could sketch the symbol.

"Hold the flashlight for me, huh?" She handed it to Christine and started to draw.

"Looks like our murderer ran out of spray paint," Chris joked. They just had to leave their mark, didn't they?"

"You think it was a gang member initiation or something?" She didn't look up from her notepad.

"It's very possible. Good eyes, Mary Beth. Hopefully we can figure out what gang or…whatever that symbol represents and catch our perp before they strike again."

"My feelings exactly, partner." She flashed one of her winning smiles over at Christine who immediately returned it before she cleared her throat and looked away.

After Mary Beth finished sketching the symbol, she led the way back to the car and glanced at her watch. "Wanna head back to the station and tell Samuels about what we found?"

Her partner just nodded and popped another piece of gum into her mouth.

"Can I pick ya up something to eat? You've gotta be starving."

"Mary Beth, would you please just drive? I simply have a case of food poisoning or some such thing. I'll be back to normal in no time, but right now, I just don't want to eat."

"But…" Mary Beth started, only to see the fire in the blonde's eyes. She knew that stubborn, enraged, defiant look all too well. In all the years she had known her, she knew that there would be no reasoning with her when she had that look. She didn't buy the food poisoning story at all. Her partner had been starving and hellbent on a hot dog when they had left the precinct earlier in the day. Mary Beth assumed she hadn't had anything but coffee that morning. Come to think of it, she didn't remember her even drinking her standard two cups of coffee.

"Did you have coffee this morning, Chris? I'm just thinking that you could be off if you forgot to drink it. I know I always get a real bad headache and drag if I don't have my daily caffeine."

"That must be it, Mary Beth. Thank you. I'll just have a cup at the station, and then I'll be all ready to study for the Sergeant's exam."

The brunette could tell Chris was just telling her what she wanted to hear so that she wouldn't worry, but she decided to drop the subject anyway. She knew Christine wasn't going to open up to her.

Once back at the station, Chris grabbed a styrofoam cup and filled it with coffee before she headed for the Jane. She looked around to make sure no one was watching her before she poured the coffee down the drain. Tears welled up in her eyes as she watched the brown liquid leave her cup. She crushed the cup in her hand and threw it away as she sobbed.

Christine tried extremely hard to never cry in front of anyone. Tears were a sign of vulnerability, of weakness. Being a woman in a male dominated profession, she was all too aware that she would be perceived as emotional and fragile if the guys saw her crying. It's not that she never cried. In fact, she cried more often than she would ever admit, but there was just something about doing it publicly that pissed her off.

"I chalked ya out," Mary Beth smiled as she came into the bathroom. "Oh Chris…" She hadn't expected to find her partner crying. "What's wrong?" She insisted.

"N-nothing," Chris wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine," She insisted even though Mary Beth didn't continue to press her about it. She tried to brush passed the brunette, but Mary Beth stood in front of the door, pointedly blocking her exit.

"Let me go," she sighed.

"Not like that, Chris," She said. "You have makeup all over your face. You won't be able to keep up your hardass, emotionless facade if you go out of here like that."

"Oh," Chris sniffed. She liked to have a stiff upper lip. Some called it an edge; but she hadn't realized that Mary Beth thought of her as an emotionless hardass. The thought made her want to cry again.

Mary Beth watched as Christine struggled to hold back tears again. "Chris, I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm here. Whatever it is...whatever's going on with you, you know that I won't judge. Usually you're the one comforting me around here. You know how emotional I am. I know I've become even more of a crybaby since Harv died," she sighed and looked down at her feet.

She would never forgive him for going up on a roof with his ear condition. He had lost his footing and plummeted to his death. There was nothing the paramedics could do. He died on impact.

Mary Beth bit the inside of her lip and tried not to cry as she thought about her husband and his untimely death. Though she was mad at him for the way he died, she knew that she would always love him. He had been her best friend and the father of her two boys. They had even been talking about expanding their family just the night before he died.

She shook her head and forced herself to refocus on the present.

Christine was washing her face, relishing in the feeling of the cold water on her clammy skin. After a few minutes, she dabbed her face dry with paper towels and went to work reapplying her makeup.

"I do appreciate it, Mary Beth, but I'm fine, honestly." Her lips puckered into the perfect "O" shape as she applied her mascara.

Mary Beth just watched her. She would never cease to be amazed by both the stubbornness and the strength that coursed through her partner. She was as tough as nails, but there were other sides to her that Mary Beth had been privileged to see. Underneath her harsh exterior, Chris was tender, almost delicate. There was no denying that she was immensely beautiful and was able to exude femininity in anything she wore, even in her favorite Yankees jacket and pair of old jeans.

"So uh...I can't believe the sergeant's exam is coming up in just two-hundred days," she tried to make conversation.

"Two-hundred…" Chris stopped what she was doing and looked at her partner.

"Two-hundred and three days," Mary Beth nodded.

"Well that's-that's..." She counted on her fingers. "That's about seven months isn't it?"

"Something like that," her partner nodded.

"It's coming up fast, but we have plenty of time. It's a good thing we're getting started now," she flashed a smile in Chris' direction, but the blonde didn't notice.

Chris sank to her knees on the dirty floor of the Jane looking and feeling utterly defeated. "Two-hundred and three days," she repeated and just kept shaking her head.

To say that she hadn't given the sergeant's exam much thought wouldn't be true. She had been dreaming about it for as long as she could remember. Her mind had just been so preoccupied lately that she hadn't thought about when the exam would actually take place. She thought it would be sooner. It wasn't that she was necessarily ready to take the exam. She just knew that she likely wouldn't be able to in April.

Mary Beth didn't know what to do or say. Clearly, there was something going on with her partner, but she just refused to open up to her. Sometimes it was hard working with such a closed off person. Mary Beth was an emotional, empathetic, caring person. She only ever wanted to help.

"You're okay," she whispered as she lowered herself to the ground and put her arms around Christine. "Whatever it is...I'm here for you."

Chris started to sob as Mary Beth held her, stroking her hair affectionately. She knew that no matter how badly she fucked up, her partner would always be there for her. At least, she hoped she would be. That was part of the reason why she felt she had to be so closed off from her. She had to keep her thoughts and her overwhelming feelings to herself. She couldn't exist in a world where Mary Beth Lacey wasn't in her corner. "I can't keep this a secret forever," she thought to herself as she let herself be held by the other woman. Eventually, her sobs subsided until they were only occasional sniffles.

"Chris…" The brunette started. She wanted to give her one more chance to open up to her before she dropped it.

"I'm...I'm pregnant, Mary Beth," the blonde sniffed.


	3. Twenty Questions

The words hung in the air, creating a deafening silence before Mary Beth finally looked at her.

"Pregnant?" she repeated. "Pregnant?! Oh, Chris. Are ya sure? Who's the father? Oh God. Does anyone else know?

Have you been to a doctor? Have ya told Samuels?"

She knew that she should have expected her partner's usual twenty questions, but for some reason, she expected her to show a little restraint. She didn't even know where to start. It did feel good to tell someone, but now that she had, she really didn't want to discuss it any further.

"I'm sure, Mary Beth," she started slowly. "I took a test at home, and it was bright blue so I-I went to the doctor and she informed me that I'm about seven or eight weeks pregnant," she grimaced and swallowed hard. "I'm due sometime in April she thinks."

Chris pulled her over-sized sweater off over her head and looked at herself in the mirror. She turned to the side and pushed her stomach out, but it remained relatively flat.

"I wondered why you were wearing a sweater in the middle of August," Mary Beth said as she watched her partner scrutinize her appearance in the mirror. "You aren't showing yet though, Chris," she assured her.

Christine untucked her camisole and put her hand up under it so that her palm was resting flat on her abdomen.

"I know. I just...I feel so bloated and rotten. I feel like there's a big sign on my forehead that says 'baby on board.'"

"If it's any consolation, I've had two kids, and I didn't suspect anything," Mary Beth said. She paused, wanting to choose her words carefully. "There...are options, Chris."

"Come on, Mary Beth. I'm not sixteen. I know my options. The doctor, she…" she sighed. "She told me that the pregnancy at my age is risky, but I don't know. I feel...sorta attached I guess."

"There's no shame in admitting you aren't cut out for it," Mary Beth said before she could think about how it would sound to her partner.

"Well I may not be Mother of the Goddamn Year, but I'd like to think that I could do an okay job!" she exploded.

Mary Beth's words stung. What hurt the most was that she knew there was truth to them. She knew that she had no business being a mother. At the same time, she had the means. She was a thirty-nine year-old woman with a massive trust fund and had been working since she was in her early twenties. Not only that, but there was a part of her that really did want the baby. She wanted to be a mother and give her baby the childhood she always wished she had: a childhood full of overwhelming love and encouragement. The brunette made a good point though. Maybe she wasn't cut out for it. It would take a lot of sacrifices and unselfishness. She would have to always put her child first. What if it wasn't instinctual for her like it seemed to be for Mary Beth? What if she was just like her own mother? _What if?_ She tried to pull herself together and look at Mary Beth again, but she just couldn't.

"Chris, I didn't mean that like it came out. It's just that I know how important your career and being independent are to you is all. I think you are cut out for it. I think you'd be a terrific mom. I guess I just wanted you to know that you have options and that I wouldn't judge you if you chose to end the pregnancy."

Christine's shoulders sagged as she let out a deep breath and turned to look at Mary Beth. She could never stay mad at the brunette for long. She had a kind and empathetic heart and seldom meant any real harm. She was fiercely loyal and cared for her deeply. She only wished she knew how deeply.

"I appreciate that, Mary Beth. I do. I just...I think my mind is made up, and I don't want to agonize over it anymore. I don't want to make myself crazy thinking about it."

"Well, Chris, you kind of have to think about it. It's not going away."

"Yes, Mother," She rolled her eyes at her partner. "I'm not suggesting that I'm going to forget about it for the next thirty-three weeks. I just want to try not to think about it anymore _today_."

"I...whatever you say, Chris. You're the one going through this, not me." It was hard for Mary Beth to not ask any more questions. She still didn't even know who the father was.

"I promise we can talk more about it tomorrow. I just really need some time to study for this exam, and then I will go home and get some much needed rest." She ran her hands through her hair and gave her reflection one last critical glance before she pulled her sweater back over her head.

There was a long silence as Mary Beth did some mental math and hesitantly chose her next words. "Chris…" She started. "I know you said you didn't want to talk about it anymore, and I don't want to make you, but will you be able to take the sergeant's exam?" She had to ask.

Chris' knuckles turned white as she clenched wadded up paper towels in her hands. She didn't know the answer. She didn't know if she would be allowed to take the exam while extremely pregnant. She assumed that they wouldn't allow her to be recorded for the video portion of the exam if she were still expecting, especially if Knelman had anything to do with it. Would she be allowed to take the exam after the baby was born? Would she want to return to work? Surely she would. Work was her livelihood. It was the reason she got up every morning. She loved being a cop like her father before her. _Her father_. How the hell was she going to tell Charlie?

"Let's just study for it like I can take it, okay?" She asked weakly. She felt like all the wind had been knocked out of her. She was tired and scared and far too vulnerable for her liking. She wanted nothing more than to go to Flannery's after their study session and drink until she could barely walk. It was hard to think of those days being behind her, at least for the foreseeable future.

"Okay, Chris," her partner reluctantly agreed and let her lead the way back into the squad room and out the front door of the precinct.

The library was only about four blocks from the precinct, and Chris let Mary Beth drive. The ride was silent with both women's minds going a mile a minute.

As much as Chris wanted to just forget about it, it was all she could think about. It had been hard for her to focus on anything else since she found out.

Mary Beth was worried about her- more worried than she would admit.

Once inside a study room, Mary Beth pulled out note cards, different colored highlighters, and several large textbooks. Chris, on the other hand, pulled out one notebook that looked like it had seen better days.

"Okay," the brunette started after she opened up one of the textbooks.

"The primary objective of 'selective enforcement' is to: a) Reduce serious accidents, b) Provide a base for accident investigation data, c) Promote public awareness, or d) reduce all traffic accidents?" She asked.

The blonde blinked a few times and looked down at the desk she was sitting at, taking a few seconds to notice that words and symbols were carved into the wood. She was just about to admit that she had no idea what the answer was when she saw something that caught her eye. "Mary Beth, do you remember what that gang symbol looked like? Did it look like that?" She pointed to a small symbol carved into the desk just to the right of her pencil.

"That's definitely the same symbol," she nodded. "I guess the thugs like to read."

"I guess so. You think we should head back to the station and check out a camera to get a picture of this?" She wondered.

"Chris, we're off duty...I think it can wait until tomorrow. Besides, you're exhausted. You've got to stop pushing yourself so hard, especially now."

"I know my limits, Mary Beth," Chris scoffed.

"Somehow, coming from a person who sacrifices sleep and personal comfort to camp out in freezing weather for some harebrained hunch, and who has a genetic predisposition for alcoholism, I find that a little hard to believe."

"Oh shut up," she rolled her eyes. "Fine. We won't go check out a camera tonight. But I can't study with that gang symbol sitting there taunting me."

"Well I can't either. I think we both better go home, huh?" Mary Beth started to pack up her books. "You know, Chris...you're welcome to come over any time," She said softly.

The blonde's heart skipped a beat, but she tried to remain calm and collected on the outside. "That's sweet of you, Mary Beth, but I'm fine, really."

"Well, suit yourself, but the offer stands any time day or night. The boys are actually over at Muriel's for an overnight tonight. Harv Jr.'s girlfriend's over there with them for dinner, but I gave Muriel strict orders to make sure that she goes home at a decent time."

"Hard to believe Little Harv Jr. is almost eighteen now," Chris found herself saying. "He was just a little thing when I met you. He hid behind your leg at that potluck lunch Samuels threw at his place. That was when he was still married to Thelma. Boy, time sure flies," she shook her head.

"Yeah, it sure does." Mary Beth felt like she might cry. She and Harvey had been talking about having another baby before he died. She really did think that she would have liked to have one more baby to raise. Harv kept joking with her that she didn't want to stop until she had a little girl. At the time, she had been so angry with him for even suggesting it, but now, she thought that there might be some truth to it. She did want a little girl. She loved her boys with all her heart, but it just wasn't the same. It was hard to relate to them sometimes. She knew that they felt that way about her too. When she was really sad, she would let herself wonder if maybe the boys wished that they still had their dad instead of her.

"Are you okay, Mary Beth?" Chris instantly saw that her partner looked upset.

"Fine," She nodded quickly. "Time is just a very confusing and painful thing sometimes."

"It is," Chris agreed. "I...maybe I will take you up on that offer. I really shouldn't be alone tonight. I know if I'm alone, I'll drink, and I can't even do that." Now she was the one who felt like she was going to cry.

"You know, when I was expecting Harv Jr., I didn't think anything about drinking. You know I've never been a big drinker anyway, but we didn't know any better then. I probably had a drink a week or so. I'm just thankful he turned out relatively normal. I'm still not entirely sure that he's mine though. He's convinced he's going to join the military." She finished packing up her supplies before she linked her arm through Chris' as they walked back out to the car.

Chris was having trouble concentrating. Mary Beth used shampoo that smelled like coconut and pineapple and it overwhelming her senses. "You-you smell nice," she found herself saying.

"Well thanks, Chris," she blushed.

"I mean it. You smell like drinking piña coladas on the beach in Maui. You're the only thing I've smelled all day that hasn't made me want to throw up."

"I'll take that as a compliment," the brunette chuckled. She wasn't sure if Chris even remembered that she had been talking and decided to let her choose where the conversation went next after they were in the car.

"So about Harvey," Chris started without missing a beat. "You think he's doing it to get back at you for something or do you really think he feels a calling to protect his country?"

"I think he feels a calling to wear that uniform for Tiffany. Those two have been inseparable now for a full year. I know what he's thinking. He thinks he's gonna graduate and then join right away, make some money, have a quick wedding, and give Tiffany a whole bunch of babies," Mary Beth sighed as she sat down in the driver's seat. "He won't listen to me, because I married his father right after he came back from Vietnam. We had a shotgun wedding. He doesn't even know that part. I was twelve weeks pregnant with him at my wedding," she shook her head. "He wasn't planned. Michael was."

Chris cleared her throat and looked down at her hands. "This baby wasn't planned, and I shouldn't be a mother." She whispered as tears welled up in her eyes again. She hated how she just couldn't seem to stop crying.

"Oh Chris, now you stop that, okay? If you want to keep this baby, then you had better start thinking of yourself as a mother who deserves to have a baby, okay? And that baby deserves you. You said it yourself. You aren't a kid. You know your options, and this is the decision you're choosing to make." Mary Beth wanted to say more, but she wasn't sure how much she should say.

Chris shut her eyes tightly and just tried to breathe. "It's Neal's," she said quietly after a few minutes. "It's Neal's and he went back to his wife the day after we slept together. He left me a message on my machine and said that I was 'really swell for understanding and such a complete whore in bed'," she scoffed and put her head in her hands. "I never really liked him all that much anyway. It was just sex."

The only man she had really cared for in years was Dory McKenna, and he had messed everything up. If she thought about it too long, it made her sick to her stomach. He was so much like Charlie. They were both completely controlled by addiction, unable to be there for her when she needed them to be. It was true that she couldn't be there for Dory anymore, but she couldn't give up on Charlie. He needed her.

"Neal Riley," Mary Beth shook her head. "I always knew he'd go back to his wife."

"And I'm not about to call him up and tell him about the baby," Chris said quickly. "He'll never know. It could be anyone's."

"Oh Chris, c'mon. You don't sleep with that many men," her partner couldn't help but laugh.

It was true. She didn't sleep with that many men. She slept with more than Mary Beth did though.

"You ever been with anyone besides Harvey?" She asked as Mary Beth pulled into the driveway of her home.

Harvey had left them some money, and they had decided that a fresh start in a new house was the best thing for them after his death.

"Uh..." the brunette turned a little red. "I think I'd like a drink before I answer that."


End file.
